I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
