Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
