Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
