I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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