My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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