I feel great
I just peed on a car
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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