I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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