in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
