our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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