More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
