Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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