Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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