Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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