He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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