i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
