there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
