Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
