If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
