I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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