I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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