quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
