Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
