At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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