Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
