whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
