last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
