So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
