Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
