so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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