It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
