Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
