Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
