just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
