i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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