part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
