We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Houston, we have a squirter
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
