If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
