I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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