First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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