can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
