if you like me you must not know who I am
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
