11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
