Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
