I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
