I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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