Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
