You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
