you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
