Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
