The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
