My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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