My hand turned me down
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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