Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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