addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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